A Choice of Hope

Terrified and torn, a young woman girl, seventeen, sacrificed so that her firstborn
could have life.

For nine months, perfect innocence was knit together in her womb.

Yet on a blistery Milwaukee March day, she made a choice.

A choice of sacrifice. A choice of redemption. A choice of hope.

Decades later, a mom of five sits at her computer pondering just what that decision means.

I am the result of her choice, her sacrifice, her hope of a better life for a daughter.

Her decision that day has already impacted generations.

Please continue reading a small excerpt of my adoption story over at (in)courage.

A Sunday Moment

Watching the sunrise this morning, I was reminded by the simple truth...
He is the same yesterday, today and forever.
No matter what...
He knows it. He hears our cries. He answers...in His time. Always!

**********************************************************************************

Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering.... The love of God did not protect His own Son.... He will not necessarily protect us - not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.

Elisabeth Elliot

(in)Courage - take hope to heart

Do you have a dream to make a difference?
Well, I am thrilled to announce that I have been asked to be a part of a big dream.
A dream that started with this question.

"What if there was a site that was all about equipping and empowering women to connect with each other and become everything God created them to be through authentic messages of hope and encouragement?"

On Monday, August 10th, we launch (in)courage - home for the heart of women.
Twenty bloggers, passionate about encouraging women right where they are, have been asked by Dayspring (the Christian division of Hallmark) to help make this dream a reality.
I couldn't be more honored to be a part of something this revolutionary.
Each writer is taking a day to introduce each other as we lead up to the big unveiling on Monday.
Think of it a bit like a beach house—you can put your sandy, dirty feet on the coffee table, laugh late into the night with friends, and also hear God’s voice clearer than perhaps anywhere else. Life just feels more vibrant and real, as if you’ve stumbled upon a glimpse of heaven and it’s nothing like you ever imagined but everything you’d always
hoped.

Many of the bloggers you already know, or are about to fall in love with their hearts momentarily. We blog about different things, with our own unique "voice," but are coming together with a common goal. Many of you found me through Kristen at We are THAT Family. I just adore her because I AM one of THOSE families and she puts a voice to my life.

But I get the privilege of introducing one of my precious new friends- Annie from Annieblogs.
We couldn't be more different statistically....she's young, I'm not.
She's single. I haven't been for 16 years.
She doesn't have children. I have way too many, but we are a lot alike in other ways.
We both love to laugh and we did a ton of that this weekend.
You all...she is HILARIOUS!
So go meet yourself some Annie because she is another (in)courage writer that is excited about sharing her life with you through this new site.
Mark your calendar....and then wait to be (in)couraged everyday.

(I am now going to rest in the assurance that I have been prayed for and will be taking a break from this computer. Three posts in two days...never a good idea).

Proverbs 31 - She Connects, She Ponders

Swirling around in my mind are too many thoughts about the She Speaks conference that I attended this past weekend.

He graciously hears our heart, reveals dreams, ideas and suggestions that maybe we are ready and willing to hear, or possibly things that need to be pondered and mulled around for a bit.

I'm still in the mulling stage.
I'm ciphering through what the Lord desires vs. the lies that are being whispered.
But girlfriends, that is way too heavy of a topic to be flushed out right here. Now I must declare, "She Connects, She Ponders, She Can Not be on the computer ignoring her kids any more today."
So as promised, I wanted to give you lovely ladies a chance to jump around and read everyone else's story.

Even though I primarily stayed on the speaking track, one of the highlights of She Speaks was the intimate number of bloggers in attendance. Many of us "knew" each other on line and so the networking aspect was wonderful. Friday night, at our blogger meet and greet, it felt like I was coming home. I can't tell you how reassuring it was to meet friends that really "got" this blogging side of me. We could talk "blogger-ese" together and I didn't get an eye roll.
I could take pictures like a paparazzi with Dawn, the Nester, and Emily and it was considered common place.
For some odd reason, all those little things made for a sweet, sweet time of fellowship.

The thing I regret about my weekend, was that I was so busy chit chatting that I failed in my blogging photographer duties. I have NO pictures with any of my girlfriends, and that is just a shame. Hopefully, you all can help me out.

"To know God and make Him known" is my desire.
Sharing that heartbeat with the Proverbs 31 team is a privilege.
I leave you with this visual image of Saturday evening's worship time.

We met Him!
He was high and lifted up this weekend.

I know many of you have already posted your story. I can't wait to read and vicariously live through your weekend experience.

Proverbs 31 - She Speaks Conference

Proverbs 31 Ministries is dedicated to Bringing God's Peace, Perspective, and Purpose to Today's Busy Woman.
Don't you just want to post that mission on the mantle of your home? (Or I'd be fine if you just tape it to your computer). :)
When I first heard about Prov. 31 two years ago, I knew this was a ministry whose heartbeat was closely aligned with my own.
For those of you who follow my blog, purposeful intentionality is something that I am committed to, and Proverbs 31 has a group of women boldly declaring God's love and grace. It doesn't get more intentional than that.
Last year, I led worship for a church that had asked Luann Prater to be their speaker. Over the past 8 months I have been slowly peaking into the lives of these women through their blogs. It is a true joy to see how God is using women whose hearts are fully yielded to Him.

A few years ago Prov. 31 began The She Speaks Conference: an amazing speaker/writer/blogging conference.
They are graciously giving away one scholarship to a blogger,
and I would love to be considered.
But guess what? The post is due - today/now (it's 2:30am) - and I thought the deadline was Sunday. It all fits with my "no editing" policy here at Balancing Beauty and Bedlam.

Quite honestly, this is a win-win.
My regular readers get to find out about an amazing ministry. And as part of our "God Watch time," my husband and I have decided that I am definitely going to She Speaks. We are watching and waiting to see how the Lord will use this time in my life and I am excited.

For the last two decades, the Lord has called me to many ministries that were "visual - up front" kind of positions.
First as a youth pastor, and then with a mixture of various leadership roles primarily focusing on ministering through worship and drama.
As I started having multiple children, requests were made for me to speak to womens groups.
The thought thrilled me.
I had been surrounded by many amazing mentors, including a Proverbs 31 mother, and felt that I had a passion to share specifically with other young moms.

Yet this quote, given to me by my former worship pastor, sums up the struggle that raged within me as I deliberated on a speaking ministry.
"The greatest impediment to your spiritual intimacy is your giftedness. Because you are gifted, you are going to be able to make life work within the church without ever knowing God well."

I never wanted to make "church work."
At that season in my life, I knew that the door needed to stay shut.
I was so busy with things....good things....Godly things.
I was serving in ministry opportunities that produced subtle pats on the back, and accolades for things that came easily to me. It was painful to I realize I was making "church work," and it wasn't just about Him.
Spending time just falling in love with Jesus...singing to Him...only for Him, was the deepest desire of my heart.
I stepped back and worshipped for an audience of One for the next few years.
In the last few years I have felt the Lord releasing me to a new season of ministry life.
A season where He has whispered it is good to go and share my beauty and bedlam.
I am passionate about encouraging women to remove the masks that society has placed on them, and relish in the beauty of who they are in Christ.
Authenticity and transparency are my desire each time that I speak, and its refreshing to share what the Lord has revealed to me through my "attempt" at balancing it all.
It's only been in the last few months that I have begun to see myself as a blogger, and hopefully, the message I communicate in written word is identical to who I am in real life.
So why then do I want to go to She Speaks?
Since the doors has swung open, I will be taking the advanced Speaker's Track.
I desire strategic direction and mentoring from women who have gone before me on this journey.
I feel as if I am paddling upstream, and considering this unbalanced boat is typically filled with my five children rocking it rambunctiously, I need to get a better rudder system.
Or at least many more life preservers. :)
She Speaks will be that lifeguard/coach that will allow me to navigate my journey more effectively.
I know that I will leave with the necessary tools of intentionality to patch up my barely buoyant boat, and finish strong...
And of course, do I even need to mention the encouragement from being with a group of like minded women who love my Jesus with their whole heart?
AND the opportunity to sing praises to Him with 600 other ladies.
Ah - for me, that is a slice of heaven.
My hubby has been encouraging me to take a step forward with my speaking and it's been amazing to have him as my biggest cheerleader.
With his unemployment, this is a big leap of faith, but God is so faithful to provide.
It's when our God Watch gets exciting.
Oh, and I can't forget another important reason.
I will be feeding Emily and the Nester chocolate from the front row during their talk.
That's pretty important as well. :)
What are real friends for if they don't share their chocolate?

Thank you, P31 ladies, for all the time that you have already put into this conference.
I know it's going to be such a blessing to many, and I can't wait to meet you all in person.

It's now 3:45am and I believe I met the deadline (pretty please?).
So good night.
I can't believe I stayed up to do this, but I saw that Lysa put the deadline as "by Friday" and I got really nervous.
Can someone now come and mother my children for me?
I'm going to need a nap. :)

A Sunday Moment - to believe the truth

Each morning that greets me is full of hope.

Not because I am successful at what I am doing,

Or because the people near me appreciate me,

Or because circumstances are easy,

But because God is, and He is my Father.

To look at the morning any other way

Is to believe a lie.

To live in hope is to live in truth;

To live in truth is to bring Him glory;

To bring God glory in my daily living

Is the highest form of worship.

- taken from How People Change by Paul Tripp and Tim Lane.

Asking your prayers for the processing...

My emotions are turning so rapidly right now that I don't have time to truly process effectively what my daughters and I experienced this afternoon.
But I'm going to process as I quickly type this out, so bear with me.
I ask for your prayers that there will be no long term affect on either of my daughters' precious memories.

Tuesdays are our very hectic "on the go" days. Today we happened to have a few minutes to burn before we needed to pick up my sons.
Of course, when that occurs, I typically head straight for Good Will,
but I decided to pop into Big Lots first.
As we entered the parking lot, I noticed a few people mulling around right in the middle of the parking spots, and a police car stalled.
Being the nosy shopper that I am, I slowed down to see what "accident" had occurred. Quite often, cars in this lot cut through the aisles, and I just assumed a fender bender had taken place.
All of a sudden, feet from our car, I noticed a man on the ground.
A man not moving...in fact, no one was moving.
Why wasn't any one helping him?
Every one was just standing there chit chatting.
And then I noticed it...a small piece of cloth covering his face.

Before it was too late, I realized that my girls were taking in every aspect of the situation.
I couldn't believe what I thought I was seeing - surely I was mistaken.
As I entered Big Lots, I asked if there had been an accident.
With absolutely no warning, nor any thought to the fact that I had two small children with me, the cashier announced that the guy had blown himself away. Killed himself....just minutes before.

I couldn't believe that she had just announced that to my girls.
The Lord opened up a situation for me to have some conversations today that I didn't choose to have.
I didn't want to explain that some people kill themselves when they feel they have no hope.
I didn't want to have to answer my nine year old when she asked what suicide meant.
I didn't want to have to pray with my girls for that poor family who now has no husband, son, father, brother....
I didn't want to have to explain that my daughter's feeling of the family being really mad at him for taking his life was probably a natural reaction.
I didn't want to answer her question of "why, mommy....did he not know Jesus?"

I don't want to have the picture of this man lying on the ground....but I do.

And you know what, I did have to have these conversations.
Because it happened, and sometimes life just doesn't seem fair.
Nor do we understand why people choose to do things.
And I can't begin to explain how can life feel so utterly empty that death is your only option?

I wish I had known that man.
I wish I had entered that parking lot minutes earlier.
I wish I knew his family.
I wish I could have offered the hope that only Jesus can give....that only He can heal.
But I didn't.
And now I go to bed knowing that somewhere a family is grieving.
They are sharing a grief so deep, a betrayal that can not be explained away.
And I will go to bed snuggled up with those precious girls who also carry a burden of a dead man in a parking lot.
But their burden will quickly go away.
They will be snuggled, and held, and comforted with the words of affirmation that they know a forever kind of love.
A love that knows no limits, and everyday I will remind them of that love.
The love that only God can give...unconditionally.

This man....will never know that.
**************************************
I commit on this day, February 17, that I will share that love with strangers unaware.
Please, Lord, bring me into contact with people who feel that there is no other choice.
There is!

And for those of you new to my blog...ugh...what an entrance...tomorrow back to the beauty and definitely not this kind of bedlam.

A Sunday Moment

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

(I reveled in this stolen moment. I captured my daughter from afar basking in the warmth of the sunlight and wonder of it all...this is such an image of sheer joy; joy shared in the little things)

I heart Faces - category "wonder"

A Sunday Moment

Thank you, Lord, for this precious hand.
So tiny, so innocent...
A hand that now rocks her dolly,
but may someday embrace her new born babe.
A hand that I now hold, but someday will be holding mine.

Lord, please take the hands of my beloved daughter and use them for Your glory.
Grow them, develop them, protect them, and steer them from evil.

I symbolically raise my hand as a blessing on her...she is yours!

(This was one of my favorite Disney moments. She glimpsed Cinderella in the distance during the parade, and the world stopped...just for her...
the princess was waving...only at her.
And my daughter's eyes were fixed... only on one.)

May I fix my eyes on the One with the same passion and intensity as my little girl.

A Sunday Moment

The heavens declare the glories of God, the sky proclaims the works of His hands.
Ps. 19:1

(When my hubby captured this shot from our front yard, I was so amazed by His majesty and miracle of creation.)

A Sunday Moment

When a family begins home schooling, the state requires you to register a "name" for your school.
Twelve years ago, we chose "Crown of Life Academy" based on our family's life verse and the circumstances that were so prevalent at the time.
We desire that this truth be ingrained in our children's hearts and minds, so there is never any doubt of His sovereignty.

James 1:12
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has prepared to those who love him.

What a blessing to know that He has it all under control. I can take myself off that "throne" now because He has it covered. :)

Pondering from a woman who truly knows what perseverance means....
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. "

-Helen Keller

May I never make church "work"

Hanging on my fridge is the following quote, given to me by our former worship pastor (our church is in the 16th month of a music pastor search process.)

"The greatest impediment to your spiritual intimacy is your giftedness. Because you are gifted, you are going to be able to make life work within the church without ever knowing God well."

As I use this post to archive and compile old worship packages, I want this to be a constant reminder that I am nothing without Him.
May I NEVER stand before a congregation giving a spoken word, leading through music or even holding a child in the nursery by just making church "work." If I begin to lean in that direction, may my hypocrisy ring so thoroughly through every fiber in my being that I can't continue on, and that I am literally brought to my knees.

Each of us have been given unique gifts to reach others. Gifts that He uses (through us) to be a blessing, whether that be to your family, neighbors or maybe even a friend you've never met in blog land.
May you never doubt the impact you can have on the lives of those around you.
So, how are you using your gift this week?


0104 - Worship from WAV Technologies on Vimeo.



Christmas Eve 2008 from WAV Technologies on Vimeo.


1116 Worship from WAV Technologies on Vimeo.

A Sunday Moment

SIMPLE OBEDIENCE

We've determined one of our 2009 family mottoes to be
"Simple Obedience". *

It seems...well...so simple, but it's...not.

One act of obedience is better than one hundred sermons.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Only he who believes is obedient and only he who is obedient believes.
True OBEDIENCE is true freedom.

"Endurance is long obedience in the same direction," from Jo's pastor.

Wendy has encouraged me,
"One of my favorite Truths on obedience from Scripture is that blessings ALWAYS follow obedience. It is a promise from God, and I have experienced over and over again."

Isn't that a wonderful reminder, even in the midst of the seemingly mundane moments?

*(based on our pastor's last sermon)

Join me on our God Watch!

I have missed sharing my thrifty/frugal living posts this past month.
It's been as if a vital part of my life was cut off,
and I can't wait to share all that has transpired. :)
Christmas for our family "rains" frugal living.
2009 will bring about many posts on Living Life to its Fullest...on less.
With everything from DIY decorating to groceries and garage sales,
I continue to learn, and am excited to live out what I "preach" on my blog.
I am entering a "God watch" time.
My sweet husband's job comes to an end in February, and I can't wait to watch and see how God will provide.
His company was bought out a few months ago and they have offered him a job in Houston.
That was a very easy, "No."
No offense to you Texans, but it would be a pretty hard thing to sell out our shared "Harried Homestead" family land, and give up on this 200 year generational legacy plan that we are trying to see through to fruition just because of a few dollars and an exciting retirement plan ;)

Years ago, I coined the term "God Watch" for the numerous instances when circumstances were unknown, and doubt would begin to creep subtly into the crevices of my heart.
I challenged the kids to a "game" of sorts where we would be on a "God Watch".
Watching and waiting expectantly for all the ways He works in situations has become a continual faith building activity for our family, especially when His perfect timing is quite often not my timing.
This year I will share some of my background surrounding this.
It's truly a Riches to Rags story (yep, that's typed correctly), and one that I would not change.
Beauty and Bedlam at its finest.
It has cemented who I am and where my worth is found.

Our desire is to make it through this waiting period debt free.
The key to a financial plan for one's family is exactly that....there is a plan - no matter what the income or job title - whether you make $24,000 a year or $240,000.
Unexpected job loss is built into that plan with an emergency fund for situations just like what we are anticipating.
But that's a whole different blog post which I feel passionately about..can you tell? Remind me of that in six months if we're still unemployed, deal?
I am laughing at myself because this blog title was "Tablescape on a dime...or two" - it was going to be light and fun, and ended up as a sermonette.
Don't worry, ladies, crazy bedlam moments will be back, as well as those holiday tables.

Thanks for joining me on our family's God watch....I would love to join you if you care to share.

Part of Fingerprint Friday

Seasons of change...

In an instant, things change...

sometimes it catches you completely off guard,

and you embrace it with anticipation and excitement.
Thrilled with the knowledge and wonder that a mighty work has just begun,
you revel in the unexpected.

But many times, change is riddled with worry and discontent.
Pleading that the Lord would remove this change from our life, we long for the day that just moments ago seemed so ordinary. So typical.

Quite often, His timing is not ours.
We must wait on Him.
Deal with Him. Delight in Him.
Determine to choose Him...in the midst of change.
What we see as broken, He rebuilds, beautifies...
and fully restores...in His time.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world,
the Creator calls a butterfly."

Let the pruning begin...
Lord - I understand that change is the expression of your will.
I wait expectantly, and welcome all that you will reveal to me during this season of change.
Selah!

(all pictures taken while looking out my front window during this season of change...
the snow - yesterday. :)
The 5 am club....now that's a change. :)

Run the Race with abandon

Gazing at these pictures tonight, I had an epiphany.
I eyed a daughter who suddenly noticed
she was being watched,
and then sprinted passionately to the mother she loves.
Yet I also saw myself, and how I desire to run the race.
This race called LIFE!

So often I get sidetracked from what is truly important.

I lose my perspective, and begin to pursue things that I am not called to -
at least not in this season.

I might even close my eyes to issues around me,
and pretend that everything is alright.
"How are you?"
"Just fine, thanks, and you?"
Do I truly want to become vulnerable by taking off that "mask" we women are such masters at wearing?

And then I remember....I remember the Truth!

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

He loves me just the way I am.

And so I don't desire to just walk...

I want to run ...

I want to run into the arms of the Heavenly Father
who envelopes me with an Everlasting Love.

Nothing I have done or ever will do
changes the truth that I am more precious than
gold or silver.
I am cherished beyond measure.
I am His beloved child!

So run, precious one, run!
Run with passionate abandon, into the welcoming arms of the only true Savior.
He can't wait for you to come.
And wait He will.
He is the same yesterday, today and forever.
His love endures for ever.

So what's stopping you?

Sunday Worship

0720 - Worship from WAV Technologies on Vimeo.


0831 Worship from WAV Technologies on Vimeo.


0824 Worship from WAV Technologies on Vimeo.